


The Jellybean Story

by allantwitty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Memes, Texting, Wrong number, so many memes, this is dumb i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10754925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allantwitty/pseuds/allantwitty
Summary: Dean means to text a meme to his best friend, Charlie, but he sends it to a wrong number instead. But the stranger on the other end of the line knows the meme and quotes it right back to him. This must mean they're soulmates.





	The Jellybean Story

**Author's Note:**

> this is almost pure crack and i don't know what i was thinking. please enjoy and if you have any questions about a meme referenced please just ask and i will explain. thanks for reading :D

_Unknown number: Excuse me motherfucker, do you like jellybeans?_

**Castiel: Yeah but not the black and the green ones.**

_Unknown number:_

_Unknown number: Motherfucker who said I had easter jellybeans?_

_Unknown number: …*sigh*…To make a long fucking story short…_

_Unknown number: I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass._

_Unknown number: And it’s 24 hours later and I ain’t find none yet._

**Castiel: I don’t know who you are but I think we might be soulmates.**

_Unknown number: Lol_

_Unknown number: So what are you doing?_

**Castiel: Um, I’m in class currently?**

_Unknown number: Which one?_

**Castiel: I’m not sure why you’re interested, but I’m in Cultural Anthropology. However I don’t feel comfortable telling you what school I go to, despite the fact that we may be meant to be.**

_Unknown number: Uh I know what school you go to weirdo. Since when are you taking anthro courses though?_

**Castiel: Uhh?**

_Unknown number: Why are you acting weird?_

**Castiel: Why are YOU acting weird? I’m starting to think you may be a stalker.**

_Unknown number: Charlie?_

**Castiel: No, I’m afraid not.**

_Unknown number: Oh. I think I may have the wrong number._

**Castiel: This was quite a fortuitous wrong number to send your joke to then, considering I already knew it and could quote it back to you.**

_Unknown number: Haha yeah I guess. Sorry though. Later._

**Castiel: …I thought you were bae. Turns out you’re just fam.**

_Unknown number: Bruh…_

**Castiel:**

_Unknown number: Okay I gotta go now._

**Castiel: Nice to meme you.**

_Unknown number: Now I REALLY have to go._

***

_Unknown number: Hey._

**Castiel: Hello.**

_Unknown number: So remember my friend Charlie? The one I meant to text the other day when I texted you instead?_

**Castiel: I do.**

_Unknown number: Well I told her what happened and she thinks I should text you again since we’re “both so weird we can finish each other’s obscure ass memes”._

**Castiel: Can I admit something?**

_Unknown number: Uh, sure._

**Castiel: I’ve been thinking the same thing. Our interaction was one of the most pleasant ones I can remember having in a long time.**

_Unknown number: Same. None of my friends are cool enough to quote vines with me._

**Castiel: I don’t have many friends in general, and the ones I do have don’t really share my sense of “humor” unfortunately.**

_Unknown number: That sucks. What’s your name? I’m Dean._

**Castiel: I’m Castiel.**

_Dean: Seriously? That’s a weird ass name, no offense._

**Castiel: Well I think Dean is a weird name. What are you, a college administrator?**

_Dean: Lame joke. Wow. Also serious question – are you a boy or a girl? I can’t tell from your name._

**Castiel: I’m a male, Dean.**

_Dean: Oh okay. Me too._

**Castiel: So what do you do when you’re not busy putting whole bags of jellybeans up your rear?**

_Dean: Haha. I’m a student. I’m assuming you are too? Since you said you were in class. Unless you’re like twelve and in middle school or something. I guess you could also be really old too and like, going back to school or something as a midlife crisis. You do type like an old person._

**Castiel: I am a student of reasonable age, Dean.**

_Dean: How old are you? Just tell me straight, I can take it. You’re like 50 aren’t you?_

**Castiel: I’m 22.**

_Dean: Oh sweet so am I._

**Castiel: What’s your major?**

_Dean: Engineering, you?_

**Castiel: Education with a minor in anthropology.**

_Dean: Sounds boring._

**Castiel: You’re boring.**

_Dean: YOU’RE boring._

**Castiel: Do you go to Lawrence too?**

_Dean: Yep._

**Castiel: Well Dean, as much as I’m enjoying this conversation, I should really write this paper. I’ll talk to you later?**

_Dean: Yeah, sure. Later Cas._

***

_Dean: Cas, what’s your opinion on croissookies?_

**Castiel: I must inform you I have no idea what you’re talking about.**

_Dean: Croissant cookie, dude. What do you think?_

**Castiel: I think I still don’t know what that is.**

_Dean: It’s a croissant. Mixed with a cookie. And it’s fucking delicious. But Sammy disagrees and thinks I’m just “killing yourself, Dean” when I eat them. But he’s a little bitch so I don’t really care what he says._

**Castiel: That was a lot of information to take in at once. I have a few questions. 1) Why are you eating that? 2) How did you even come up with the idea for it? 3) Who is Sammy? 4) Why did you refer to him as a “little bitch”?**

_Dean: Dude, you’re so weird. I’m eating it because it’s fucking delicious, I didn’t come up with it, Sammy’s my little brother, and because he’s a little bitch._

**Castiel: Is it really polite to call your new friend weird? Or your brother a bitch?**

_Dean: Whatever man. What are you doing?_

**Castiel: I’m in class as per usual. What are you doing?**

_Dean: Eating my croissookies :D_

**Castiel: That sounds vaguely inappropriate.**

_Dean: YOU sound vaguely inappropriate._

_Dean: Aw, you’re texting me in the middle of class? I feel honored that you would break the rules for me._

**Castiel: I highly doubt my professor cares. He’s currently got his face buried in his own phone while we copy down notes that I don’t think he even wrote himself.**

_Dean: That sucks. I hate when I end up in a class where the professor doesn’t give a shit. Like thanks for wasting my money dude._

**Castiel: Exactly.**

_Dean: I just hit my shin on the end of my bed. Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick._

**Castiel: I just laughed out loud in the middle of a silent classroom. Thanks Dean.**

_Dean: :D_

***

_Dean: Am I bothering you? You can tell me honestly. If you don’t want me sending you dumb vines all the time just tell me._

**Castiel: Of course not, Dean. In fact, quite the opposite. Whenever I get a text from you I get very happy. I love sharing a sense of humor with you.**

_Dean: Oh. Okay. Cool. Me too._

**Castiel: :)**

**Castiel: So what are you up to?**

_Dean: Just got off work now I’m trying to find something for dinner._

**Castiel: Why don’t you order a pizza?**

_Dean: Yeah I probably will._

**Castiel: You should order it online and ask for “none pizza with left beef”.**

_Dean: Hahahaha. I should just to see what happens. And then write in the delivery requests for the guy to tell me I’m pretty._

**Castiel: Do it.**

_Dean: Okay I will. I’m probably still gonna be hungry if they seriously bring me a pizza like that but I’m doing it for the vine. (I’m not actually gonna vine it I just always wanted to say that.)_

**Castiel: Let me know what happens.**

_Dean: Holy shit, they just called me and the guy was laughing but he said they won’t do it. He said I’m not the first person to try that though. I’m laughing so hard._

**Castiel: That’s hilarious. :P**

_Dean: Okay it was just delivered. The delivery guy did NOT tell me I’m pretty and I think I should call and lodge a formal complaint._

**Castiel: I’ll tell you – you’re pretty, Dean. Don’t ruin the delivery guy’s life.**

_Dean: :D_

***

_Dean: So I still don’t know that much about you._

**Castiel: What do you want to know?**

_Dean: Well I know your name is Cas and you’re a 22 year old education major at Lawrence. So like, what else do you do?_

**Castiel: I like to read, binge watch Netflix, listen to music, hang out with my friends. Pretty much what any poor college student does. What do you do?**

_Dean: Pretty much the same. Also I work a lot._

**Castiel: What’s your job?**

_Dean: I’m a mechanic at my uncle’s shop. Trying to get my degree so I can maybe open up my own shop someday or something._

**Castiel: That sounds nice, Dean. I wish you the best of luck in finishing school and your future** **endeavors.**

_Dean: Uh, thanks. No offense but anybody ever tell you you talk weird?_

**Castiel: I’d rather “talk weird” than like you, with no regard for syntax.**

_Dean: See, you’re just weird._

**Castiel: Yet you’re the one still talking to me.**

_Dean: True. Maybe I’m the weird one. So what else is up with you, like what’s your favorite food? Movie? TV show? Animal? Band? Vine? Meme?_

**Castiel: Let’s see. My favorite food is PB &J, my favorite movie is probably Star Wars, favorite TV show is Game of Thrones, animal is guinea pig, band is probably Led Zeppelin, vine is probably “mom, I peed on myself” and meme is damn Daniel because it’s about spreading positivity and it made me happy.**

_Dean: Holy shit, dude, you weren’t kidding when you said we were probably soulmates. We like all the same shit._

**Castiel: What are some of your favorites? :D**

_Dean: Food- pizza, movie- Star Wars, TV show- Yuri On Ice, animal- cats even though I’m allergic, band- DEFINITELY Zeppelin, vine- what are thooooose, meme- the ironic usage of the troll face. Like you know how a few years ago, people genuinely used the trollface as a meme, and then it became uncool to use it at all, and now when people use it, they’re using it KNOWING the fact that it’s considered uncool now, and it’s an ironic usage? That’s my favorite meme._

**Castiel: Wow, we do have a lot in common. It was a very happy accident when you texted me, Dean. I’m very glad you did.**

_Dean: Me too._

***

**Castiel: So where’d you grow up?**

_Dean: Here in Lawrence, Rachel Green. I didn’t realize we were on a fake date._

**Castiel: How do you get all of my weird references? It’s amazing.**

_Dean: We’re soulmates :D_

**Castiel: I think maybe we are.**

_Dean: So did you get along with your parents? ;)_

**Castiel: :P**

**Castiel: Seriously though, my mother, yes, my father, no.**

_Dean: Oh. You wanna talk about it?_

**Castiel: There’s not much to say. We don’t have a relationship.**

_Dean: Sorry. My dad’s a dick but he’s still there, you know? I’m sure that must suck._

**Castiel: It’s okay, it’s been a long time. And my mother performs the job of both parents quite well. How is your relationship with your mother?**

_Dean: Uhh… rocky. She and my dad are divorced and she has this new life that doesn’t really include me but she still tries sometimes to be around, I don’t know. It’s complicated._

**Castiel: *insert joke about facebook relationship status here***

_Dean: Lol. Dick._

**Castiel: Sorry.**

***

_Dean: What are you wearing?_

**Castiel: Absolutely nothing. What are you wearing?**

_Dean: o_o_

**Castiel: That was a joke. I was quoting Parks and Recreation. I hope you were not seriously considering having phone sex with me, Dean, because I would have to decline.**

_Dean: No, I was joking too._

**Castiel: That was a weird joke.**

_Dean: You’re a weird joke._

**Castiel: That’s not nice.**

_Dean: You’re not nice. Okay that’s a lie you are nice. You’re practically one of my best friends at this point._

**Castiel: That’s very nice of you to say, Dean. I would say you’re one of mine as well.**

_Dean: :)_

_Dean: So what are you doing right now?_

**Castiel: Reading.**

_Dean: Why do I always have to drag shit out of you? WHAT are you reading, your highness?_

**Castiel: Paradise Lost.**

_Dean: See, was that so hard?_

**Castiel: I suppose not. I apologize, I’m not very good at conversations. I don’t have a lot of them. I don’t mean to make myself sound sad or like I’m asking for your pity, I just don’t have many friends. In fact I only have two. But they are very good friends, I’m not upset over the quality of them. Or the quantity, I suppose, although perhaps it would be nice to have a few more. Wait, I guess I could say I have three friends now. Right?**

_Dean: You’re such a dork. Yes, you have three friends now._

**Castiel: Good. :)**

***

_Dean: I just watched a vine where a guy splattered the shoes of the guy in the bathroom stall next to him with chocolate syrup (because, you know…poop) and the guy literally starts throwing up and I can’t stop laughing._

**Castiel: That sounds vile, Dean.**

_Dean: It is but it’s also hilarious._

**Castiel: Send me the link.**

***

_Dean: Cas. Hey. Can I tell you something?_

**Castiel: Of course, Dean.**

_Dean: I think I met someone._

**Castiel: Oh?**

_Dean: Yeah… I was at the bar last night and I met this guy, and he’s was like, kind of insanely gorgeous. We just talked for a long time, like nothing else happened, but it was like… we just GOT each other. It was kind of amazing._

**Castiel: That’s nice.**

_Dean: Yeah, but I fucking DIDN’T GET HIS NAME. Or his number. He was weird, like kind of squirrely, but he was just so good looking and we were clicking and everything, but then he just left, as if we didn’t just CONNECT right then and there._

**Castiel: Um, what did he look like?**

_Dean: He had messy dark hair and this really smooth skin and the sharpest jawline I’ve ever seen in my life, and these fucking EYES. They were so blue I thought they were contacts._

**Castiel: What bar were you at?**

_Dean: Uh, the Roadhouse, why?_

**Castiel: Dean, do you happen to have short, light brown hair and freckles and bright green eyes?**

_Dean: What the fuck?_

**Castiel: That was ME last night, you idiot.**

_Dean: What?_

**Castiel: I left because I was scared. I really liked you but I really liked someone else – the guy I was texting. So I didn’t know what to do.**

_Dean: But – but you don’t like me!_

**Castiel: What? Yes I do.**

_Dean: You said you didn’t want to have phone sex with me! I thought that was you, you know, letting me down easy. So last night when I met YOU, apparently, I thought I could move on from the guy I already liked – the guy I was texting._

**Castiel: Dean, seriously? This whole time, that’s what you thought?**

_Dean: Yeah._

**Castiel: That’s ridiculous, Dean.**

_Dean: Well I’m sorry, what was I supposed to think? Dick._

**Castiel: You know what? I’m about to say it.**

_Dean: What?_

**Castiel: …I don’t care that you broke your elbow.**

_Dean: I think I’m in love with you._

**Castiel: Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? And every night, for the foreseeable future?**

_Dean: Yes._


End file.
